Understanding Your Child’s CoreSelf

We think our job is a parent is to raise a child who is a success and that we have the experience to see what their potential is and how to mold them into the best adult possible. We feel that we need to create the right situations and encourage or kids to be the best they can be and anything less is not good enough. And most kids want to please us so we can really influence our kids. BUT IS THAT REALLY SUCCESS as a parent?

Author Nancy Rose writes that there are two parts to parenting from Acceptance:

  • Who your child is and the parts you cannot change (She calls this the CoreSelf)
  • What your child does and the things you can and must influence (your child’s behavior)

Tricia and Nancy discuss how understanding your child’s CoreSelf can lead you to be a better parent to the child you have instead of the potential child you want. Check out the CoreSelf list for yourself at Nancy Rose’s website (you sign up for her email and the link is sent to you–just know you don’t get spammed or get too much email–I haven’t gotten any additional ones).

Quotes from today’s show:

Try to see your child as a seed that came in a packet without a label.  Your job is to provide the right environment and nutrients and to pull the weeds.  You can’t decide what kind of flower you’ll get or in which season it will bloom. – Anonymous

Acceptance is like the fertile soil that permits a tiny seed to develop into the lovely flower it is capable of becoming. The soil only enables the seed to become the flower. It releases the capacity of the seed to grow, but the capacity is entirely within the seed. As with the seed, a child contains entirely within his organism the capacity to develop. Acceptance is like the soil-it merely enables the child to actualize his potential.–Thomas Gordon

Check out our Second Podcast featuring Nancy Rose:  Raise the Child You Got Not the One you Want.

Avoiding Toxic Relationships

Jordin Corlett, founder of Boundaries of Love, discusses the warning signs of toxic relationships and how to avoid them.  We also discuss how to talk to your young adult children about toxic relationships.  Even if you are in a great relationship, this discussion helps you prepare for the discussion you might have to have with a child or friend.

Parenting the Introverted Child

She was told her son had autism but today, he is in the top 4% of students across the country.  Pilar’s son is brilliant, but he is introverted so he never spoke up in class and had a hard time socializing with kids.  In our extrovert-oriented society, her son’s skills were not immediately valued.  Now that he has won national prizes for a documentary and an app that he created, people are beginning to see her son’s talents shine (even if he is still the quietest kid in the class.  Learn how to parent an introverted child and how to help them find their mojo.

Pilar recommends reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

And Check out the TED Talk on Introverts

Forget Stranger Danger Think Tricky People

Mom told you not to talk to strangers.  But she really should have told you to watch out for Tricky People! Pattie Fitzgerald, creator of Safely Ever After, discusses what we really should be worried about and how to arm our children so they are ready to face Tricky People.  Her website and books teach kids that they are the boss of their body.

Empowering Kids to Deal with a Hyper-sexualized World

As never before, our society focuses on a person’s looks and sexuality.  From seemingly innocent ways to devastatingly manipulative ways, children are exposed to sexuality at younger and younger ages and in much more in-your-face ways.  How do we equip our children to deal with everything coming at them? Dina Alexander, President of Educate and Empower Kids, explains what we need to do as parents and where we can get the resources we need to raise future adults who have a healthy understanding of sexuality and the amazing blessing it can be when approached appropriately.

Check out educateempowerkids.org/ for more resources.  Check out the 30 Days of Sex Talks books on Amazon.com

Free Range Vs Helicopter

The news has been filled with stories of children being picked up by the police for walking to the park to play with parents investigated for neglect. This got us thinking about whether the world is such an unsafe place that we need to hover over our children or raise them in glass cages or if we are doing more damage by not allowing them to experience independence.  Should we be the ones to call 911 when we see children alone or can we be the block mom and assess the situation before we get hysterical?  We discuss our fears and the facts of today’s world.

Disneyland Tips 2015

Since it is one of the places most visited by families with kids (our main listeners) and since we go there ourselves, we want to share the tips we learn for a successful trip.  We discuss Tricia’s first trip with her clan and how she made the week spectacular.

Check out Disneyland Tips from a past show.

 

Decision Making Skills

One of the best skills you can teach your child is to problem solve for them self.  Whether they are 4 or 14, this skill will become one they use throughout their life. Julie Nelson shares 5 steps to help kids learn how to make decisions along with practical examples to help you see how to put these steps into practice.

Step 1: Define the problem. Context changes perception for each person. Be sure that both people agree or moving forward will be going in the wrong direction.

Step 2: Generate possible solutions. Let the child do this as much as possible so they feel empowered. Don’t shoot them down right way. Let them feel safe with their ideas. Offer some of your own. If they say, “I don’t know,” tell them that you’ll give you both time to think about it and come back.

Step 3 Evaluate possible solutions. “That doesn’t work for me” is a good way to phrase a bad idea. Make sure this ends up being a win-win for both of you.

Step 4: Implement the decision. Try it out. See how it works. Step 5: Evaluate. Get back together and see how the solution worked or is working.

Step 5: Evaluate. Get back together and see how the solution worked or is working.

Check out Julie’s website at http://aspoonfulofparenting.com/ where she shares many more tips. And check out her book Parenting with Spiritual Power.

Dreams Come True in an Awesome Way

DallasHave a dream you want to realize?  Want to teach your kids to dream big? We talk with Dallas Clayton, author and dreamer whose book An Awesome World shows kids and adults how to dream big. Learn what it takes to make dreams come true and how Dallas is changing the world.

Check out this video about Dallas.  Dallas has a great book on Thankfulness and a great book on Love you should check out and share with your kids during Thanksgiving and around Valentine’s Day (or any time of the year).  There is even one for the adults.  Check them out!

Lily Mae BagsCheck out the Lilly Mae bags  The 20% discount code is Holiday 2014.  Lilly Mae is owned and run by Stay-at-Home Moms! Support moms everywhere in their dreams!

Getting A Better Answer to “How Was School Today”

We ask our kids “How was school today?” and hear “Fine.” End of discussion.  Why do we ask it then every day hoping for more?  Because we want to connect with our kids.  Our intention is right, but the question is wrong.  We discuss ways to ask your kids about their day at school without asking the wrong question that gets no response.  The idea came from a post by Liz at Simple Simon and Company.  Check out their two lists of questions to ask your children instead of “How Was School Today?”

Teens and Respect

What do you do when your teen treats you with disrespect?  How do you deal with it when your simple request is responded to with venom?  Julie Nelson shares very practical tips on how to help your child navigate the hormonal horrors of the teen years that often set them off.

Use the following phrases:

  • Say Yes with a No:  Yes you can go out as soon as you . . .
  • I noticed that . . .
  • It appears that . .
  • That doesn’t work for me . . .

A few more tips:

  • Often kids need to blow off steam so using physical activities to help them get back in balance often helps.
  • Use Parallel Talk: this is when you do something while talking. This could include taking a walk, playing basketball, crafting, etc.  Anything that gives you time together and a chance to talk where you don’t have to look right at each other.
  • Past Performance Predicts Present Privileges: If your kids know that what they have done in the past helps determine what they will be able to do in the future, that will help them know what is coming
  • Loosen the reigns as much as you can.  The teen years are a time to give them a chance to experience more freedom and learn how to use it wisely.
  • Know that mistakes will be made by both you and your child so be prepared to have do-overs.

Check out Julie’s website at http://aspoonfulofparenting.com/ where she shares many more tips. And check out her book Parenting with Spiritual Power.

School Social Skills

We expect our children to practice their handwriting, their piano, and their jump shot to get good at them but we don’t often think that they have to learn and practice social skills to be successful at school.  One blogger starts the conversation on what social skills we need to teach our kids and we continue the conversation.

Here is her list to get the conversation started:

  1. Make eye contact, smile and say hi.
  2. Learn to converse: don’t monopolize, ask questions, pay attention, listen (be a reporter).
  3. Learn people’s names.
  4. Include everyone.
  5. Be kind.

What do you think and what ways have you found to teach these skills to your children?

Cross Country Move

Back after a summer of craziness, cancer and a cross-country move!  Stacey shares tips on how to make the best of moving kids–especially kids in school–to a new place. How can you prepare your family to make the move successfully?  Listen and learn from a woman with nine-yes-nine children ranging in age from college to kindergarten.

Here are some tips for moving with kids/teens:

  1. Do lots of research. Uprooting kids (especially teens) is very traumatic for them, so make SURE it’s the best move for your family.
  2. Once you decide, don’t look back. Remember your old home fondly, but look forward with hope, speak with optimism.
  3. Find out what your new area is famous for (best fish, biggest clock tower? Special museums? Pumpkin patch, theater, etc.) and explore that with your family.
  4. Go onto a family history website to find out if you have ancestors who may have lived anywhere near your new place. Visit wherever they came from and feel connected.
  5. Keep family traditions going (bedtime stories, birthday dinners, holiday rituals) Keep some furniture and decor the same to provide a bridge during the transition time.
  6. Find a local congregation of your church and get connected there.
  7. Volunteer at schools, network in the community. Don’t wait for an invitation.
  8. Take treats to your new neighbors with a card introducing your family. It will break the ice and let them know you’re open for friendship.
  9. Communicate daily with your kids. Through notes on pillows, texts, emails, phone calls or talks in the car. Just communicate. They will be going through some of the hardest days of their lives. Keep a pulse on how they are doing. Tell them when you feel homesick too. Be a friend and a support. Let them talk safely about their loss of old friends, old school, etc.
  10. Stay connected with family and friends through Facebook, email, etc. but never say negative things about your new home. Your kids will take their cues from you. If you transition well, chances are, they will too. Soon, you’ll realize that home is simply where the heart is. 🙂

A Better Way to Say Sorry

Long-time listener Tristen shared a post with us about a better way for kids (and parents) to say sorry.  We chat with Tristen and discuss how this 4-step process has changed the way her children interact for the better.

The Steps include:

1) I’m sorry for…: Be specific. Show the person you’re apologizing to that you really understand what they are upset about.

Wrong: I’m sorry for being mean.
Right: I’m sorry for saying that nobody wants to be your friend.

2) This is wrong because…:This might take some more thinking, but this is one of the most important parts. Until you understand why it was wrong or how it hurt someone’s feelings, it’s unlikely you will change. This is also important to show the person you hurt that you really understand how they feel

Wrong: This is wrong because I got in trouble.
Right: This is wrong because it hurt your feelings and made you feel bad about yourself.

3) In the future, I will…:

Wrong: In the future, I will not say that.
Right: In the future, I will keep unkind words in my head.

4) Will you forgive me? Don’t assume that they will—ask for forgiveness

To read the original post, go to http://www.cuppacocoa.com/a-better-way-to-say-sorry/.  We reached out to the author of the post but she hasn’t gotten back to us yet.  Thanks for the great information!  We love that you shared!

Head to Heart: Our First Experiences

We cover the basics of Head to Heart with founder, Johnny Covey and how we worked to get out of fright and flight (head) and into our hearts with our kids. Listen to this session and see what we learned and see how you might find ways to help your kids when they get in their Fright-Flight so they can make an amazing choice to create a better way for themselves.

THEN, get a Head to Heart group together and/or send us your Head to Heart experiences.  We want to hear how this is working for you!

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Grandma Version of Me

Julie Nelson, author of Parenting with Spiritual Power, discusses how the voice of a trusted grandmother figure can help you in your parenting.  Grandparents say that if they had known how great grandparenting would be, they would have skipped right to it.  Why is that and how can we use the wisdom grandparents have to make our parenting more enjoyable and impactful. The “grandma version” of ourselves is wise and witty and helps us to achieve the balance we need to survive the years until we do indeed become grandparents.

Head to Heart: How To Get Started

We chat with Head to Heart founder, Johnny Covey about how to get yourself and your kids out of the fright and flight (head) and into action (heart) to face fears, solve problems and find success in your daily life and peace in your children’s lives.

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Head to Heart is a framework that allows you to Choose to Change and Create. We all have had experiences that keep us from Creating what we want. Johnny spent 12 years searching for the answer to the question Why don’t I choose to do what I know? He read hundreds of books, attended conferences all over the country and invested over 10,000 hours to get the answer: The Head to Heart framework. Yes, he is related to that other well-known Covey so this figuring out thing is in his genes!  His great uncle Steven R. Covey taught about being proactive, Choosing your response. The Head to Heart framework allows anyone, regardless of their previous Experiences to Choose their response. It is so digestible that anyone can understand it, so doable that they will actually use it, so duplicable that they can teach it right away.

When we are using our Head we hold back, worried about what others think about us. In our Heart we are able to be ourselves and fully express ourselves. We Create rather than Control.

This session is the How To Get Started.  We will have future episodes where we discuss our results and what we found as we use this process in our lives.

Keeping Kids Safe on Social Media

Nancy shares her family’s scary social media experience and discusses tips to help kids navigate social media with clinical social worker, Kim Kettle.  Learn how a mom who set up incredibly distinct rules for using technology found a predator taking aim at her child and how you can keep your child safe while teaching them how to have good social media skills.  Your child is all alone in the social media landscape and you have to step up and be their guide and their support in this lonely space.

Kim’s Reasons WHY parents need to Help Kids with Social Media

  1. Ensure kindness
  2. Be aware of who they are communicating with
  3. Be aware of sites they are visiting
  4. Help them develop good judgment

Other Resources:

 

Missing a Childhood

Could you be missing your child’s childhood?  Modern parents struggle with something that parents of previous generations never did–the persistence of the cell phone/smart phone/internet.  Even 10 years ago, the use of these devices was not so everpresent in our lives.  By being plugged in, we can actually miss our children’s childhood.  We discuss what we can do to ensure we don’t miss our children’s lives while still living in the modern age.

For more information, see this blog:  http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/05/07/how-to-miss-a-childhood/

“I can recall a time when you were out with your children you were really with them. You engaged in a back and forth dialog even if they were pre-verbal. You said, ‘Look at the bus, see the doggie, etc.’ Now I see you on the phone, pushing your kids on the swings while distracted by your devices. You think you are spending time with them but you are not present really. When I see you pick up your kids at day care while you’re on the phone, it breaks my heart. They hear your adult conversations. What do they overhear? What is the message they receive? I am not important; I am not important.”