New research shows that imaginary friends continue longer into childhood than previously thought. Claire Lerner, Senior Parenting Strategist at Zero to Three, discusses why older children may have imaginary friends. She also discusses what an imaginary friend can do for your child and how you should react when your child tells you that she has an imaginary friend.
Tricia and Nancy discuss what to do if your child is showing his privates. How do you handle it and what can you do to help your child understand that Privates are Private?
Here are a few tips:
- Don’t freak and if you do, don’t show it.
- Figure out what is going on.
- Very young kids can seem immodest and may display curiosity about other people’s bodies and bodily functions. These can include touching women’s breasts, wanting to watch when grownups go to the bathroom, wanting to be naked (even if others are not) and showing or touching private parts while in public. They are curious about their own bodies.
- When you are ready and they are ready, ask open-ended questions (and they are old enough to answer)
- What were you doing?
- How did you get the idea?
- How did you learn about this?
- How did you feel about doing it?
- Have a general discussion about what is private and what to do if someone invades your privacy.
Some causes for concern:
- Actions beyond their developmental stage (or language)
- Actions with threat or aggression
- Actions between kids of very different ages
Our Past Show for kids who are a bit older: http://www.themompodcast.com/2010/10/24/when-to-discuss-the-birds-and-bees/
Nancy and Tricia discuss how therapy can change the way you mother and what therapy has done for them at different stages in their lives. They discuss finding a good therapist, what to discuss with the therapist and surprises that happen in therapy.
Worried about getting therapy? Today’s therapy is life coaching. No more Freud and no more laying on the couch. Therapists give you tools to use in daily life and other ways to look at the situation you are in. With these tools, you are better-prepared to handle the tough stuff.
Mindy Gleason, mother extraordinaire and proponent of a positive outlook, describes how she met the challenges in the darkest part of her motherhood journey and rose above the pain to embrace life and learn wisdom we can all use in our daily lives.
Mindy is the mom of two amazing girls. Her daughter, Presley, is an inspiration to people all across the globe. Take a look at their amazing journey over these past 6 years and where they are now. We can all learn to allow our children to soar from the flight that Mindy and Presley have taken.
And remember to share this show and the links to the Vote for Presley campaign so she can win a bike for her special needs.
- Bike Giveaway https://www.friendshipcircle.org/bikes/2016/02/presley-g/
- Movie about Pres https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMCBv3rPcU8&feature=youtu.be
- The All Together Playground http://www.alltogetherplayground.com
Your child is born with inherent attitudes and traits (their CoreSelf). Nancy Rose, author of Raise the Child You Got Not the One You Want explains how understanding a child’s core traits can help us see our children for who they are and not what we want them to be. From this position of strength and leadership, we can help direct them to be productive and well-balanced adults.
We discuss how to mitigate conflicts when a parent and child have opposite CoreSelf traits and how to guide behavior when a CoreSelf trait may cause issues. Finally, we discuss how we can change our language and attitudes about our children’s CoreSelf traits so that we don’t describe their core traits as negative (inflexible vs. consistent; lazy vs. energy conservationist).
Co-host Nancy and her family used the CoreSelf checklist to understand each family member’s CoreSelf traits and this has helped family interactions and has led to better ways to deal with challenging behaviors (in both parents and children).
Check our our previous podcast on Understanding Your Child’s CoreSelf. Download the CoreSelf list for yourself at Nancy Rose’s website (you sign up for her email and the link is sent to you–just know you don’t get spammed or get too much email–I haven’t gotten any additional ones).
If you have older children, it is a great experience to have a family meeting and have each member mark their CoreSelf traits on their own paper and then discuss them together and how these traits help the family or can be improved.
Check out Nancy’s videos on her blog. These explain the 9 traits of the CoreSelf.
Shelly and Clarie Lerner (our favorite guest from Zero to Three) discuss why Henry is acting up in Australia and how Shelly can reframe the situation to see that Henry is not being defiant. It isn’t really a Terrible Two thing either. This is a time with toddlers begin to explore their independence.
Also, Claire and Shelly discuss how the move to Australia could trigger other feelings in Henry. They also discuss how Shelly’s other kids are adjusting and why Shelly’s oldest child in Australia is experiencing the same feelings that her youngest is experiencing.
Check out more about Claire at Zero to Three.
Read more about Shelly’s adventures in Australia at Seven On Sabbatical.
Note: This show is much longer than our regular shows but packed with amazing information. We will take next week off for Thanksgiving. Please give thanks for all the great people in your life!
We talk with Katie McClain, author, life coach and mother, about what happens when we find out that our parenting tactics and the stories we tell ourselves affect our children and weaken us as parents. We learn how to parent from our strengths and change our internal stories and our tactics for success.
Learn more about Katie McClain, go to www.katiemcclain.com
To listen to the Thought Monster show, go to http://www.themompodcast.com/2012/11/11/taming-your-thought-monster/
She was told her son had autism but today, he is in the top 4% of students across the country. Pilar’s son is brilliant, but he is introverted so he never spoke up in class and had a hard time socializing with kids. In our extrovert-oriented society, her son’s skills were not immediately valued. Now that he has won national prizes for a documentary and an app that he created, people are beginning to see her son’s talents shine (even if he is still the quietest kid in the class. Learn how to parent an introverted child and how to help them find their mojo.
Pilar recommends reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking
And Check out the TED Talk on Introverts
Mom told you not to talk to strangers. But she really should have told you to watch out for Tricky People! Pattie Fitzgerald, creator of Safely Ever After, discusses what we really should be worried about and how to arm our children so they are ready to face Tricky People. Her website and books teach kids that they are the boss of their body.
As never before, our society focuses on a person’s looks and sexuality. From seemingly innocent ways to devastatingly manipulative ways, children are exposed to sexuality at younger and younger ages and in much more in-your-face ways. How do we equip our children to deal with everything coming at them? Dina Alexander, President of Educate and Empower Kids, explains what we need to do as parents and where we can get the resources we need to raise future adults who have a healthy understanding of sexuality and the amazing blessing it can be when approached appropriately.
The news has been filled with stories of children being picked up by the police for walking to the park to play with parents investigated for neglect. This got us thinking about whether the world is such an unsafe place that we need to hover over our children or raise them in glass cages or if we are doing more damage by not allowing them to experience independence. Should we be the ones to call 911 when we see children alone or can we be the block mom and assess the situation before we get hysterical? We discuss our fears and the facts of today’s world.
One of the best skills you can teach your child is to problem solve for them self. Whether they are 4 or 14, this skill will become one they use throughout their life. Julie Nelson shares 5 steps to help kids learn how to make decisions along with practical examples to help you see how to put these steps into practice.
Step 1: Define the problem. Context changes perception for each person. Be sure that both people agree or moving forward will be going in the wrong direction.
Step 2: Generate possible solutions. Let the child do this as much as possible so they feel empowered. Don’t shoot them down right way. Let them feel safe with their ideas. Offer some of your own. If they say, “I don’t know,” tell them that you’ll give you both time to think about it and come back.
Step 3 Evaluate possible solutions. “That doesn’t work for me” is a good way to phrase a bad idea. Make sure this ends up being a win-win for both of you.
Step 4: Implement the decision. Try it out. See how it works. Step 5: Evaluate. Get back together and see how the solution worked or is working.
Step 5: Evaluate. Get back together and see how the solution worked or is working.
We ask our kids “How was school today?” and hear “Fine.” End of discussion. Why do we ask it then every day hoping for more? Because we want to connect with our kids. Our intention is right, but the question is wrong. We discuss ways to ask your kids about their day at school without asking the wrong question that gets no response. The idea came from a post by Liz at Simple Simon and Company. Check out their two lists of questions to ask your children instead of “How Was School Today?”
What do you do when your teen treats you with disrespect? How do you deal with it when your simple request is responded to with venom? Julie Nelson shares very practical tips on how to help your child navigate the hormonal horrors of the teen years that often set them off.
Use the following phrases:
- Say Yes with a No: Yes you can go out as soon as you . . .
- I noticed that . . .
- It appears that . .
- That doesn’t work for me . . .
A few more tips:
- Often kids need to blow off steam so using physical activities to help them get back in balance often helps.
- Use Parallel Talk: this is when you do something while talking. This could include taking a walk, playing basketball, crafting, etc. Anything that gives you time together and a chance to talk where you don’t have to look right at each other.
- Past Performance Predicts Present Privileges: If your kids know that what they have done in the past helps determine what they will be able to do in the future, that will help them know what is coming
- Loosen the reigns as much as you can. The teen years are a time to give them a chance to experience more freedom and learn how to use it wisely.
- Know that mistakes will be made by both you and your child so be prepared to have do-overs.
We expect our children to practice their handwriting, their piano, and their jump shot to get good at them but we don’t often think that they have to learn and practice social skills to be successful at school. One blogger starts the conversation on what social skills we need to teach our kids and we continue the conversation.
Here is her list to get the conversation started:
- Make eye contact, smile and say hi.
- Learn to converse: don’t monopolize, ask questions, pay attention, listen (be a reporter).
- Learn people’s names.
- Include everyone.
- Be kind.
What do you think and what ways have you found to teach these skills to your children?
Back after a summer of craziness, cancer and a cross-country move! Stacey shares tips on how to make the best of moving kids–especially kids in school–to a new place. How can you prepare your family to make the move successfully? Listen and learn from a woman with nine-yes-nine children ranging in age from college to kindergarten.
Here are some tips for moving with kids/teens:
- Do lots of research. Uprooting kids (especially teens) is very traumatic for them, so make SURE it’s the best move for your family.
- Once you decide, don’t look back. Remember your old home fondly, but look forward with hope, speak with optimism.
- Find out what your new area is famous for (best fish, biggest clock tower? Special museums? Pumpkin patch, theater, etc.) and explore that with your family.
- Go onto a family history website to find out if you have ancestors who may have lived anywhere near your new place. Visit wherever they came from and feel connected.
- Keep family traditions going (bedtime stories, birthday dinners, holiday rituals) Keep some furniture and decor the same to provide a bridge during the transition time.
- Find a local congregation of your church and get connected there.
- Volunteer at schools, network in the community. Don’t wait for an invitation.
- Take treats to your new neighbors with a card introducing your family. It will break the ice and let them know you’re open for friendship.
- Communicate daily with your kids. Through notes on pillows, texts, emails, phone calls or talks in the car. Just communicate. They will be going through some of the hardest days of their lives. Keep a pulse on how they are doing. Tell them when you feel homesick too. Be a friend and a support. Let them talk safely about their loss of old friends, old school, etc.
- Stay connected with family and friends through Facebook, email, etc. but never say negative things about your new home. Your kids will take their cues from you. If you transition well, chances are, they will too. Soon, you’ll realize that home is simply where the heart is. 🙂
Long-time listener Tristen shared a post with us about a better way for kids (and parents) to say sorry. We chat with Tristen and discuss how this 4-step process has changed the way her children interact for the better.
The Steps include:
1) I’m sorry for…: Be specific. Show the person you’re apologizing to that you really understand what they are upset about.
Wrong: I’m sorry for being mean.
Right: I’m sorry for saying that nobody wants to be your friend.
2) This is wrong because…:This might take some more thinking, but this is one of the most important parts. Until you understand why it was wrong or how it hurt someone’s feelings, it’s unlikely you will change. This is also important to show the person you hurt that you really understand how they feel
Wrong: This is wrong because I got in trouble.
Right: This is wrong because it hurt your feelings and made you feel bad about yourself.
3) In the future, I will…:
Wrong: In the future, I will not say that.
Right: In the future, I will keep unkind words in my head.
4) Will you forgive me? Don’t assume that they will—ask for forgiveness
To read the original post, go to http://www.cuppacocoa.com/a-better-way-to-say-sorry/. We reached out to the author of the post but she hasn’t gotten back to us yet. Thanks for the great information! We love that you shared!
How is our experience going with Head to Heart? We talk with founder, Johnny Covey and share how we are getting out of our heads and in to our hearts in some critical times in our life with our family members.
We cover the basics of Head to Heart with founder, Johnny Covey and how we worked to get out of fright and flight (head) and into our hearts with our kids. Listen to this session and see what we learned and see how you might find ways to help your kids when they get in their Fright-Flight so they can make an amazing choice to create a better way for themselves.
THEN, get a Head to Heart group together and/or send us your Head to Heart experiences. We want to hear how this is working for you!
Julie Nelson, author of Parenting with Spiritual Power, discusses how the voice of a trusted grandmother figure can help you in your parenting. Grandparents say that if they had known how great grandparenting would be, they would have skipped right to it. Why is that and how can we use the wisdom grandparents have to make our parenting more enjoyable and impactful. The “grandma version” of ourselves is wise and witty and helps us to achieve the balance we need to survive the years until we do indeed become grandparents.