25 Rules for Mothers of Sons

We discuss the article 25 Rules for Mothers of Sons by Tabitha Studer which made it into several newspapers so we decided to join in the conversation.  We love the list and think every mom of boys ought to read it and think about their role as mother to a boy (since they are a species we don’t always understand).

Note: Shelly’s son is graduating this week and is speaking at Graduation!  She is a great mom! Congrats Shelly

Personal Reflections on London and Denmark

IMG_1326I recorded a few podcasts about our trip that will post over the next few weeks.  The first one is located here.  But since the podcasts are meant to educate listeners about travel, it is hard to include the feelings I have about our trip.  So, this post is an extra one about my impressions and reflections.

My goals when I planned this trip were:

  • Show my kids the places I have lived and loved
  • Introduce them to other cultures and people
  • Allow them to experience life in another country–not just see the sights
  • Expose them to the people and places that changed history
  • Get closer to them and help them get closer to each other

Preparing the Invasion  Having lived in both London and in Odense, Denmark, I thought it would be easy to take the kids to these cities and feel comfortable in them. After all, I had spent significant time in both places.  But, I have to admit, two days before the trip, I had an overwhelming panic attack. Did Patton have that feeling before the invasion on D Day?   What was I thinking taking my kids across the world?  What about terrorists and so forth? What if we got separated?  What if, what if, what if?

I had done so much planning and strategizing.  I had an plan that would make both General Patton and Rick Steves envious.  I knew what sights were in the same area and how to get to them.  I knew how much time we needed for transportation and with the help of Google Street View, I knew details about the neighborhood we stayed in.

To calm myself, I reviewed my plan over again and plugged every detail into my phone.  It made me feel better. Until we landed.

Places I Lived and Loved: London  I thought it would be a great idea to take the Heathrow Express Train into London.  It was faster than a cab and much cheaper.  We flew Carry-on only with Backpacks and rolling bags so it was supposed to be simple.  Not so much.  But, we found our way to the Train and into the City. Google Maps is the trip planner’s best friend.  It gave me timetables and options for the Tube as well as Street Views so I knew how to walk from the Tube Station to our Flat–right to the door which was behind the building.  Phew.

IMG_1118IMG_1115When we reached the flat, it wasn’t quite ready.  Lucky for us, the best fish and chips shop in London was literally right across the street.  Never having been in a tiny fish and chips shop, the kids were overwhelmed with the fast pace.  They both opted for the Fish and Chips with Mushy Peas.  Mushy Peas did not go over well.  They are kind of like pea soup without the soup.  Not too bad if you added a bit of salt and pepper and ham.  The kids also got fizzys–that is what the Brits call sodas.  We sat on the street watching the hustle and bustle around us. Being from a quiet town, this was an experience for all the senses. Big cities move at a fast pace.

After dinner, we had a few hours to kill before bedtime and the kids opted for a trip to Oxford Street–the famed shopping street.  It has changed since my time in London over 20 years ago.  The more posh stores have been replaced with H&M and Primark and many American stores.  Maybe for the Brits, this is great but it was a bit disappointing for us.  However, we did join the masses of Londoners in Primark and buy a few things we needed as well as a few cheap souvenirs.

Lulu and the Loo Then, came the reoccurring problem we experienced the entire trip: Lulu needing the use Loo. She must have the tiniest bladder of any human being and the worst timing too.  Just after we leave a place with a free toilet, she needs to go.  REALLY BAD.

NOTE:  According to Bob the Yeoman Warder at the Tower of London, you can’t call it a bathroom or restroom in England because, as he was quick to point out, you don’t take a bath there and you don’t rest there.  So we spent the rest of our trip not trying to trip over our tongues when we said, “Where’s the toilet.”  Sounds so vulgar to my prissy American ears. 

Thank goodness for the Golden Arches and Starbucks. They saved our bacon more than once.  By the end of our 2-week trip, we finally remembered to go to the toilet before leaving any location with a free toilet.  I really should have taken pictures in each Loo.  I could have started a new blog rating them.  I think my favorite was the toilet at the Tower Bridge.  It could have been in a designer magazine. Marble countertops and gleaming faucets, modern toilets and excellent lighting.

IMG_1873The funniest Lulu/Loo experiences we had were in Denmark. The first public toilet in Copenhagen is in the Round Tower.  We had discussed this building during our family home evening prep for the trip.  Dad had explained that the Tower had a chute that people pooped into. After a few years, it got so filled up that they had to clean it out.  We joked that it was a Crap Shoot as to who got that job.  Anyway, we found the Toilet in the Tower. And guess what they built right next to it?  A modern toilet.  We had a great laugh and a few photo moments and thought fondly of Dad who wasn’t with us to see it  Ah, Shoot!

IMG_2088Then, we found this sign for the toilet at a Danish castle called Egeskov.   Conde Naste Travel Magazine voted it one of the most beautiful places in Europe and they were not kidding.  But the sense of humor and the family charm well exceed anything in any other castle in Europe.  It really was the best castle experience I have ever had.  More about the castle itself later.

Meeting the Rainbow of Humanity London truly is the most ethnically diverse city I have ever seen.  The first time I visited London in 1981, it wasn’t that way but today, you see people from every continent, every country, every ethnicity, every religion.  We live in a pretty homogenous part of the US.  But in our small part of the world, we have diversity.  On my street, there are families from five different countries and our kids go to school with a diverse ethnic group (very surprising for Utah Valley). But I am not sure we were prepared for the array of languages, clothing, and beautiful faces we met on the Underground.

From Burkhas to belly-piercings, the array of ways people dressed was incredible.   We heard different languages everywhere we went.  Some I recognized: Russian (of course), Czech, Spanish, German, French, Danish, Swedish, Hindi, Arabic, Swahili,  Chinese, Japanese and of course American (the really loud people on the Tube).

IMG_1222Alex had an assignment to meet and talk with local people.  That was a great experience for us to learn more about London and its people.  The woman who let us into the flat had recently arrived from the Czech Republic told us a bit about her reasons for moving to London. The guard at the British Museum, Kenneth, explained what it was like to live in London and his decision to move to a suburb so his kids would have better schools. A woman making bracelets from tires at the Greenwich Market explained that she had come to London from Hungary for a better, more vibrant life. Gary at the skate park discussed politics, religion, and travel with us. And Edward, our archeologist guide to Stonehenge explained about his life as an archeologist and his new assignment to write curriculum for British schools teaching the kids about their own pre-history.  These are some of the things my kids will remember most.

When you meet the SEA of humanity and SEE that they are not to be feared and that you have more in common with them than you have differences, you gain a different view of the world and its problems.  If we all understood how interconnected we really are, it would help end the violence.

Experiencing Other Countries One reason I wanted to rent a flat was so that the kids got the feel for what it is like to LIVE in London.  Our Danish cousin working in England, came to London to visit us.  IMG_1310Maria gave the kids a perspective on their experience.  For the kids, the flat was a tiny, cramped space.  It was smaller than 1/6 of our home.  But when Maria came in, she was so impressed with the size and told the kids that it was huge for a London flat.  Going to the grocery store was also an adventure.  Seeing different foods, the small size of the store and even having to pay for the plastic bags was eye-opening.

Alex has always thought he wanted to live in a big city with public transportation and bustling life.  He enjoyed London very much.  He told me it was his favorite city and he was going to move there.  Then, we went to Copenhagen and his favorite city quickly changed. The day we were in Copenhagen was unusually hot (we were not dressed for that having come from rainy London). In the Danish fashion, the short skirts came out to celebrate the weather.  Danish women are very pretty and Alex enjoyed the view.

In the end though, he kissed the ground when we reached home and said that he loved home most.  I did the same thing after my first trip in 1981.  Then, I went back again and again and eventually moved to Odense and then to London and Moscow.  Maybe he does have the world traveler/citizen of the world gene in him. I’d live in another country in a heartbeat.

Making History/Living History In Europe, just about everything you see is older than just about anything in the United States–much of it older than the country itself. Especially in London. Starting with William the Conqueror in 1066 and his fortress that turned into the Tower of London where all those beautiful ladies lost their necks to St. Paul’s Cathedral and Westminster and all the Victorian edifices build by the most industrious queen, London is awash in historic buildings mixed with the modern.  There are plaques on even seemingly normal buildings telling you of the famous people who lived there or the important events that took place there.

When we visited Salisbury Cathedral, we saw the Magna Carta written in 1215 which limited the power of the king and which is considered a founding document for modern democracy.  While viewing it, an American woman next to me turned to the docent and said in a Texas accent (and I am not kidding or exaggerating), “Well, this is older than our country!” I could not help myself and replied, “This document is one of the reasons why we have our country.” I wanted to say that the floor she was standing on, the cathedral she was in, the town she was located at and even the dirt she kicked as she walked was older than our country.

IMG_1707Speaking of Old, one of the most fascinating things we did was to take a tour to Stonehenge with an archeologist.  I let the kids choose what they wanted to visit outside London for a day excursion and they chose Stonehenge.  There are several tour companies taking sight-seers to Stonehenge, but I wanted more than a distant glimpse of some big rocks (you can’t get up close and personal like I did in 1981). So, we went on a tour with Edward from Tours from Antiquity.  Edward spent the time it took to drive to Stonehenge as well as other henges and Salisbury explaining the Pre-History of the area. His research dates human activities back to 5000 BC and he explained the types of cultures creating henges all over the countryside.  I learned more in 20 minutes with Edward than I had learned the previous three times I had visited Stonehenge.

Note: If you are ever at a cocktail party and someone begins to discuss the Druids and Stonehenge, you can let them know that the Druids were about 3000 years too late to the Stonehenge Party.  And there is no evidence for aliens even though I kept trying to get Edward to confess that there was–especially when I saw the crop circle in the field nearby.  He tried to tell me that it was just a farmer turning his tractor around, but those of us who grew up near Area 51 know better.  Diverging question:  Why are they called cocktails anyway? Well the answer to that is also almost older than the US. 

IMG_1231In our time machine, we went back in time and visited many amazing sites and met with incredible people who changed the world.  Bill and Ted would have been proud of our most excellent adventure.  At the British Museum, we saw the Rosetta Stone written in 196 BC and used in the 1800s to understand hieroglyphic writing.  We visited the Parthenon by viewing the friezes from its facade.The friezes are called Elgin’s Marbles because Lord Elgin, a lover of all thing Greek, found them laying around on the ground and loaded them in his ship in the 1800s and brought them back to London.  They served as dual purpose as balast for his ship.  We viewed Egyptian mummies and fist bumped with Amenhotep III.

IMG_1580We learned about British kings and queens: how they lived, loved and died.  The Tower of London was an incredible journey back in the bloody history of London–the battle fought by William the Conqueror, the prison for the famous and infamous and the location that for so many beautiful necks to lose their heads.  The Tower is now besieged only by tourists.  I guess it is arguable which raging horde is worse–the invading Normans or the invading Tourists.

For me, one of the most important historical figures we met was Winston Churchill.  The War Rooms where Churchill and his generals strategized the battles against Nazi oppression are now open for everyone to see.  These rooms located in a bunker under a government building in Whitehall remained virtually untouched for decades until they were turned into a museum in the 1980s.  When I lived in London, I had never heard of the museum.  For a student of history, the War Rooms were a tactile journey back in time.  Seeing the map where the battles were planned and troop positions recorded was incredible as was listening to the speech Churchill gave to the British people while standing at the table where he gave the speech on the BBC.

But all history and no play makes Jack a dull boy.  So, some history has to be experienced in a fun atmosphere.  The Medieval Banquet in London was a fun romp back to the gastronomical lives of kings and queens.  Complete with jesters, knights and wenches, the evening was pure fun.  Pounding the table, singing Hey Nonny Nonny, and calling out Ho Wench were so much fun.

IMG_2141The other fun romp in history was in Denmark at Egeskov castle.  Touring the castle itself takes about 30 minutes at kid speed and about 2-3 hours at adult speed. But we spent the entire day there with our Danish cousins enjoying the amazing grounds with a zip line, a tree walk, bungie jungle gyms, hedge mazes, secret alcoves, music gardens, automobile and motorcycle museums and (wait for it) Segway Jousting! Not even kidding–maybe exaggerating.  The kids rode their trusty Segway steeds through the course.  Alex got fancy with his ride. Check it out.  Besides all the fun, the view at Egeskov is incredible.  Built in the middle of a lake on the oak timbers of an entire forest, Egeskov has the ultimate moat.  I could not take a bad picture that day.

IMG_2007Places I Lived and Loved: Odense Growing up as an only child was lonely so my mom decided to have an exchange student come live with us.  Lene was from Denmark and was also an only child.  We became very close during the year she lived with us so I decided to live with her for a year after high school graduation.  Her parents, Hans and Hanne, opened their home to me.  Going back to Odense was a real mental time warp.

Not much changes in Denmark. Everything looked the same as it did 30 years ago.  Taking my kids to the house I lived in, the school I went to and the city streets I walked was fun. Attending Church with people I had know 30 years ago was incredible.  And beginning to remember my Danish was a real brain-bender.

IMG_1948Odense is the birthplace of Hans Christian Andersen but it is also the birthplace of some of my greatest adventures and fondest memories.  It might not be as exciting as London in terms of sights to see but it is filled with great memories and family that I love.  We are so close that we are sisters by choice if not by blood and our children are as close as they would be if they were really cousins.  That is the great gift I received in Odense.

Getting Closer My biggest hope after being safe IMG_2644was that my kids would grow closer to each other and to me.  I think we achieved that.  Before we left, we talked about how we had to be a team while we traveled and watch out for each other.  We talked about how we needed to put our petty differences aside and not allow the tiny annoyances to ruin the experience.  The kids were great!  They didn’t fight the entire trip (besides a few minor scuffles) and we all got to be together in a place where we had to stick together.  Even though Alex would not let me say it out loud, we were the Three Musketeers. I loved watching my kids open their eyes to the big world, to take in history, to understand their place in the sea of humanity.

IMG_2671We did not only get closer to each other but we also got closer to our Danish family.  It was the highlight of the trip to spend 5 days with Lene and Kurt and their amazing kids.  It would not have mattered what we did in Odense.  Just being together with them was everything wonderful and then some.  Our kids just love every minute together. It was fun to see Alex having his hair braided by his older girl cousins.  It was fun to see Anna learn to play football (yes–soccer) with her cousin even thought she got the mother of all grass stains on her new pants.  It was amazing to see Hanne again and go back to the house I lived in the 30 years ago.

I was also able to reunite with our other Danish exchange students, Steen and Kim.  Thanks to Kurt, we drove to Arhus and met them and their families and enjoyed an amazing day just being together.  In 3 seconds, 30 years of time melted away and it seemed like we had talked only yesterday.  The day weIMG_2393spent together was actually the day Steen and I had graduated from Western High School 30 years earlier.  Kind of poetic.  I loved their wives and their kids and they loved my kids too.  I can’t wait until they visit us in the States.

What Does it All Add Up To?  You travel to see new places–or old places as it turns out.  But in the end what you really take home with you are the people you meet and the time you share together.  Travel is about getting to know yourself and others in the context of a different environment. It’s about reuniting with friends and making new ones.  It’s about returning to places you lived when you were a different person and introducing your kids to your past self. It’s about riding a bike and playing a game of SKATE with a famous person you didn’t even know was famous. It’s about getting to celebrate your 10thIMG_2600birthday in Denmark with your family singing to you in Danish.  It’s about tasting chocolate from four countries, sharing your favorite cookie (Hob Nobs) and your favorite pastry (brunsviger) and trying liver pate for the first time. It’s about banging on tables and drinking a soda in a pub in the middle of an ancient henge circle.  It’s about leaving the comfort of your routine to enlarge your view of the world.

And even then, you can’t explain what happens to you when you travel.  It’s all that and so much more.  No travel log can describe the feelings I have after this trip. People ask me if I had a great trip.  Of course, I answer that it was wonderful.  Then they want me to tell them about it.  I can describe some of the places and some of the experiences, but I can’t put into words the feeling and the change that was wrought in me and my kids and in our relationship with each other and the world.  That is the souvenir I bring home.

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Worth a Thousand Words and Better than Mine

LONDON

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DENMARK

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Toddlers Establishing Independence

ShellyHenryShelly and Clarie Lerner (our favorite guest from Zero to Three) discuss why Henry is acting up in Australia and how Shelly can reframe the situation to see that Henry is not being defiant.  It isn’t really a Terrible Two thing either.  This is a time with toddlers begin to explore their independence.

Also, Claire and Shelly discuss how the move to Australia could trigger other feelings in Henry.  They also discuss how Shelly’s other kids are adjusting and why Shelly’s oldest child in Australia is experiencing the same feelings that her youngest is experiencing.

Check out more about Claire at Zero to Three.

Read more about Shelly’s adventures in Australia at Seven On Sabbatical.

Note: This show is much longer than our regular shows but packed with amazing information.  We will take next week off for Thanksgiving.  Please give thanks for all the great people in your life!

Parenting the Introverted Child

She was told her son had autism but today, he is in the top 4% of students across the country.  Pilar’s son is brilliant, but he is introverted so he never spoke up in class and had a hard time socializing with kids.  In our extrovert-oriented society, her son’s skills were not immediately valued.  Now that he has won national prizes for a documentary and an app that he created, people are beginning to see her son’s talents shine (even if he is still the quietest kid in the class.  Learn how to parent an introverted child and how to help them find their mojo.

Pilar recommends reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

And Check out the TED Talk on Introverts

Forget Stranger Danger Think Tricky People

Mom told you not to talk to strangers.  But she really should have told you to watch out for Tricky People! Pattie Fitzgerald, creator of Safely Ever After, discusses what we really should be worried about and how to arm our children so they are ready to face Tricky People.  Her website and books teach kids that they are the boss of their body.

Teens and Respect

What do you do when your teen treats you with disrespect?  How do you deal with it when your simple request is responded to with venom?  Julie Nelson shares very practical tips on how to help your child navigate the hormonal horrors of the teen years that often set them off.

Use the following phrases:

  • Say Yes with a No:  Yes you can go out as soon as you . . .
  • I noticed that . . .
  • It appears that . .
  • That doesn’t work for me . . .

A few more tips:

  • Often kids need to blow off steam so using physical activities to help them get back in balance often helps.
  • Use Parallel Talk: this is when you do something while talking. This could include taking a walk, playing basketball, crafting, etc.  Anything that gives you time together and a chance to talk where you don’t have to look right at each other.
  • Past Performance Predicts Present Privileges: If your kids know that what they have done in the past helps determine what they will be able to do in the future, that will help them know what is coming
  • Loosen the reigns as much as you can.  The teen years are a time to give them a chance to experience more freedom and learn how to use it wisely.
  • Know that mistakes will be made by both you and your child so be prepared to have do-overs.

Check out Julie’s website at http://aspoonfulofparenting.com/ where she shares many more tips. And check out her book Parenting with Spiritual Power.

School Social Skills

We expect our children to practice their handwriting, their piano, and their jump shot to get good at them but we don’t often think that they have to learn and practice social skills to be successful at school.  One blogger starts the conversation on what social skills we need to teach our kids and we continue the conversation.

Here is her list to get the conversation started:

  1. Make eye contact, smile and say hi.
  2. Learn to converse: don’t monopolize, ask questions, pay attention, listen (be a reporter).
  3. Learn people’s names.
  4. Include everyone.
  5. Be kind.

What do you think and what ways have you found to teach these skills to your children?

Paradise Found in the Lower 48

What parents don’t want an island get away? But leaving kids behind to travel across the Pacific ocean might not be in your comfort zone. We found an island in the lower 48 states that is tropical, easily accessible and less expensive than a hula holiday.20140607_122757

If you think of San Diego for Sea World, Legoland and surfing, we found that San Diego has a romantic side to it just right in price and tempo for a quick  getaway. Leave the kids and the sippy cups and pack your swim suit and favorite black dress for relaxation on a very tropical island.

20140605_153107We stayed at the the Paradise Point Resort on Vacation Island to celebrate our 20th anniversatry.  It is an island oasis in the lower 48 that offers amenities and relaxation without the need to fly across the Pacific.  The island has so much to do that it was actually hard to think about leaving–and we didn’t for the first few days.  With 5 pools, a marina with boats and other water toys to rent, bikes, segways, tennis courts, mini golf, tennis courts, and white sandy beaches, there really is no reason to leave.

20140608_084802We enjoyed our stay in a Bayside Bungalow on the lagoon side.  The bungalow is a wonderful choice for a couple wanting a relaxing and romatic getaway.  We had our own beach and lagoon to have evening strolls on and lounge on.  The water was even warm enough to swim in (in California–the water can be very cold).  We even saw lobsters walking along the bottom.

20140607_122955We enjoyed swimming in the pools and eating in the various restaurants on property.  My favorite meal was eating poolside at the Tropics Cantina.  The carne asada salad was delicious and the atmosphere was wonderful.  We also enjoyed the lagoon-side lunch at the Barefoot Bar and Grill.  Barefoot boasts a beautiful view of the marina and a lagoon filled with leopard sharks and rays.  For a scuba diver, it was fun to watch them while eating. Dinner at Tidal, Paradise Point’s new restaurant, was a feast for the eye and the palate.

20140606_13245020140606_140503Even though it was hard to leave our island oasis, we did venture in to San Diego where we visited Old Town and ate at Casa Guadalajara.  The fajitas were plentiful and delicious.  We strolled Old Town looking at the various historic buildings.  One that we enjoyed especially was the Mormon Battalion presentation.  It is fun and interactive.  Arthur even got to dress up as a battalion member and pan for gold.

20140608_105218We took a Harbor Cruise with Hornblower and it was quite interesting and enjoyable and gave us a great view of the San Diego skyline as well as many of the military establishments around San Diego. Located next to the USS Midway, the cruise was quite accessible–just bring quarters for the metered parking or be prepared to pay $10 for all day parking.

20140608_134426Finally, don’t miss out on Coronado island and especially don’t miss Sunday Brunch at the Hotel Del Coronado.  It was amazing.  The hotel and the meal are a feast for the eyes and the palate.  I especially loved the ceviche, crab legs, shrimp, striped bass, and salmon.  If you are not a seafood lover, there is a carving station that is incredible.  Everything was abundant and delicious.  Since I am gluten-free, there was an entire section of sandwiches and paninis that I did not even venture to.  There was also a complete breakfast section.

20140608_135526Coronado beach was also incredible.  The sand and the sea meet beautifully with a view of Mexico to the south and Point Loma to the North.  We met another couple on a romantic getaway strolling the beach like we were.  We enjoyed watching a man make a massive sand castle and kids jumping in and out of the waves.  If we had more time, we would have taken some lounge chairs in front of the hotel and relaxed while being served by an impeccable staff.

20140608_135541San Diego makes the perfect easy get away since paradise is only 10 minutes away from the airport.  We only drove 66 miles in our 4-day trip.   Everything is close and easily accessible when and if you decide to leave Paradise.  But if you decide not to leave Paradise Point, you could spend your entire vacation there and be perfectly content.

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A Better Way to Say Sorry

Long-time listener Tristen shared a post with us about a better way for kids (and parents) to say sorry.  We chat with Tristen and discuss how this 4-step process has changed the way her children interact for the better.

The Steps include:

1) I’m sorry for…: Be specific. Show the person you’re apologizing to that you really understand what they are upset about.

Wrong: I’m sorry for being mean.
Right: I’m sorry for saying that nobody wants to be your friend.

2) This is wrong because…:This might take some more thinking, but this is one of the most important parts. Until you understand why it was wrong or how it hurt someone’s feelings, it’s unlikely you will change. This is also important to show the person you hurt that you really understand how they feel

Wrong: This is wrong because I got in trouble.
Right: This is wrong because it hurt your feelings and made you feel bad about yourself.

3) In the future, I will…:

Wrong: In the future, I will not say that.
Right: In the future, I will keep unkind words in my head.

4) Will you forgive me? Don’t assume that they will—ask for forgiveness

To read the original post, go to http://www.cuppacocoa.com/a-better-way-to-say-sorry/.  We reached out to the author of the post but she hasn’t gotten back to us yet.  Thanks for the great information!  We love that you shared!

Head to Heart: Our First Experiences

We cover the basics of Head to Heart with founder, Johnny Covey and how we worked to get out of fright and flight (head) and into our hearts with our kids. Listen to this session and see what we learned and see how you might find ways to help your kids when they get in their Fright-Flight so they can make an amazing choice to create a better way for themselves.

THEN, get a Head to Heart group together and/or send us your Head to Heart experiences.  We want to hear how this is working for you!

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Head to Heart: How To Get Started

We chat with Head to Heart founder, Johnny Covey about how to get yourself and your kids out of the fright and flight (head) and into action (heart) to face fears, solve problems and find success in your daily life and peace in your children’s lives.

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Head to Heart is a framework that allows you to Choose to Change and Create. We all have had experiences that keep us from Creating what we want. Johnny spent 12 years searching for the answer to the question Why don’t I choose to do what I know? He read hundreds of books, attended conferences all over the country and invested over 10,000 hours to get the answer: The Head to Heart framework. Yes, he is related to that other well-known Covey so this figuring out thing is in his genes!  His great uncle Steven R. Covey taught about being proactive, Choosing your response. The Head to Heart framework allows anyone, regardless of their previous Experiences to Choose their response. It is so digestible that anyone can understand it, so doable that they will actually use it, so duplicable that they can teach it right away.

When we are using our Head we hold back, worried about what others think about us. In our Heart we are able to be ourselves and fully express ourselves. We Create rather than Control.

This session is the How To Get Started.  We will have future episodes where we discuss our results and what we found as we use this process in our lives.

Keeping Kids Safe on Social Media

Nancy shares her family’s scary social media experience and discusses tips to help kids navigate social media with clinical social worker, Kim Kettle.  Learn how a mom who set up incredibly distinct rules for using technology found a predator taking aim at her child and how you can keep your child safe while teaching them how to have good social media skills.  Your child is all alone in the social media landscape and you have to step up and be their guide and their support in this lonely space.

Kim’s Reasons WHY parents need to Help Kids with Social Media

  1. Ensure kindness
  2. Be aware of who they are communicating with
  3. Be aware of sites they are visiting
  4. Help them develop good judgment

Other Resources:

 

Missing a Childhood

Could you be missing your child’s childhood?  Modern parents struggle with something that parents of previous generations never did–the persistence of the cell phone/smart phone/internet.  Even 10 years ago, the use of these devices was not so everpresent in our lives.  By being plugged in, we can actually miss our children’s childhood.  We discuss what we can do to ensure we don’t miss our children’s lives while still living in the modern age.

For more information, see this blog:  http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/05/07/how-to-miss-a-childhood/

“I can recall a time when you were out with your children you were really with them. You engaged in a back and forth dialog even if they were pre-verbal. You said, ‘Look at the bus, see the doggie, etc.’ Now I see you on the phone, pushing your kids on the swings while distracted by your devices. You think you are spending time with them but you are not present really. When I see you pick up your kids at day care while you’re on the phone, it breaks my heart. They hear your adult conversations. What do they overhear? What is the message they receive? I am not important; I am not important.”

Tips to Deal with Bullies

With some tips, your kids can learn to handle bullying (the garden variety).  We discuss what works in the elementary, middle and high school years.  Check out more tips on the website http://www.stopbullying.gov/.

  1. Be a Role Model—Don’t Be a Bully.  Show them how to treat others with respect and kindness
  2. Use situations to teach—if you see something in a show or in life that is wrong or right, point it out
  3. Role Play with your kids to help them respond under stress
  4. IF they get bullied, replay the situation and try out different responses
    1. Can your child say STOP and look the bully in the eye?
    2. Can your child deflect with humor?
    3. Is your child too shy and needs to walk away?
  5. Don’t downplay their feelings (empathize with them but don’t make them a victim)
  6. Teach your child how to stay safe:
    1. Stay away from places where bullying happens
    2. Hang where there are adults.  Most bullying happens when adults are not aroud
    3. Talk to someone so you don’t feel alone
    4. Read Wimpy Kid
  7. Teach your children to embrace their own uniqueness and not want to be just like everyone else
  8. Stand up for others and be kind to a kid being bullied.  Show them someone cares

Collecting Family Stories

We discuss successful techniques to collect stories from family members this holiday season and every day of the year.  Capturing the stories and preserving the for your family is easy.  Learn how your phone or other digital recorder can be used and how to ask the right question to start the stories flowing.

 

Living Purposefully

The turkey is done, but the holiday madness rolls on!  Today, we discuss living purposefully and how to embrace the season and everyday for the rest of your life.  Join us in the dance.

Quotes Tricia Shared:

True happiness… is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
-Helen Keller

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.
-Dalai Lama

Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.
-John F. Kennedy

When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.
-Wayne Dyer

Preparing Daughters To Go It Alone

We were raised to think you need to be with someone to be complete.  We discuss raising our daughters so they can go it alone in their lives–so they feel complete without having someone else.  This frees them to be everything they can be whether or not they have a relationship with a significant other.

Article by Laura Wellington http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura-wellington-/and-she-lived-happily-eve_b_3601844.html

Increasing Marital Intimacy

All marital relationships go through changes when children enter the picture.  Sometimes, as women we set aside our personal needs or the needs of our spouse because we think the kids have to come first.   Dr. Juli Slattery, author of No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex and Intimacy in Marriage takes a loving and intimate relationship-oriented look at how to increase our marital strength through our sexual relationships.

This is a replay of a Babies and Moms: Birth and Beyond show.

What That Cry Means

Understanding your baby can be as simple as interpreting his cries.  From Nancy’s book, Baby Signing 1, 2, 3, Shelly read about Priscilla Dunstan and her ability to interpret baby cries to understand what it is that babies need.  After testing her baby language theory on more than 1,000 infants around the world, Priscilla says there are five words that all babies 0–3 months old say—regardless of race and culture;

  • Neh=”I’m hungry”
  • Owh=”I’m sleepy”
  • Heh=”I’m experiencing discomfort”
  • Eair=”I have lower gas”
  • Eh=”I need to burp”

Learn to listen to baby talk in this video footage here>.